The Sound of Rain

I really dont like promoting things. In fact when I first made this I decided that, unless I had photographed the item, I would not promote it.

Well I changed my mind. On one fact alone.
God has touched my heart so deeply with this. I cry every time I see it.

This is something I feel the entire church body needs to be at. Gathering with fasting and praying we will change history.

My church will be taking a bus there that morning and returning that night.  If you are in Greenville, NC area and would like to get a seat on this bus let me know. Cost will be $45 plus food for the day (if you are not fasting).

From my Friends …

they made a video late one night. Its pretty funny.

Doesn’t get much harder than this

Losing a student/child.

Thursday night a a 13 year old boy died. He was a very sweet, loving, excited about like, thankful, hyper kid. His death is probably one of the most shocking things ever. There is no why. It’s a tragic lose. Simple as that. A tragedy.

Tonight at youth group we payed tribute to him.
We took 800 candles, spelled out his name and lite them. It was good.
The circumstances and reasons aren’t but the experience was. Students who had been holding back from grieving felt safe and mourned. Several told us that it was what they needed. A viewing or funeral can’t do what tonight did for them. The setting, the comfort, the beauty.
Being able to sit on the gym floor praying for for his family while looking at his name in flames was so comforting. I cried. It was good. My youth pastor puts it this way … along these lines “We’re supposed to mourn. Jesus wept. We should weep as well. Its good for us becuase it is how we are made to handle things. God did not make us to move on, ignore, or search for reasons for closure.” At times like this we need Him. The same as always but most people try to find comfort in other things. Food, movies, reasons for why?, sleep, busyness. God is what helps. The only comfort that helps. Thirty students showed me this once again tonight.

On My Mind

Apples to Apples must have been created with the intentions of being funny because when taken seriously it is not funny at all.

Cookie dough is very sweet.

I hope …. forgot.

Man, Hulu is amazing and fast.

28 Days Later is a great movie. Yes I’m about to watch it haha.

Laughter can either be one of the best or worst sounds in the world. Really depends on what provokes it.

Gods grace is unbelievable. No one else is as forgiving and understanding as Him. I really wish people were like that, but at least we can aspire to be.

The concept of a tattoo is rather interesting. Permanately writing something on yourself with needle and ink. Pain, blood and ink. Tattoo. Sun and moon, lizard, Abba Shalom.

 

 

 

Weird …. relationships

They are so odd. though this applies to all relationships Im more referring to dating.

The little things that are expected for todays “normal” couple … well they’re rediculous.
Its not the fact that people want them, it’s the fact that they arent apreciated because they are expected. For example I know a girl who when grounded for a month had her boyfriend come over every day since she could not leave. After only a week she started geting annoyed that he wasn’t bringing his friends with him as often as she wanted. The simple fact that he was willing to come over and give up his few hours of daylight, when they had only been dating for two months, did not seem to be anything to her. I mentioned this to her and she thought I was completely obsurd.

I can list numerous other occasions where so much is expected a so little is appreciated … especially in relationships that have just started.  It makes me sad because after a while they forget that the other has dreams, wishes, and goals … everything becomes about them.

This is what I have seen in the highschools and colleges that I have been around. Now I know not every couple in America is like this. I know people personally who have great relationships. The kind of relationship I want to have. One where the other is appreciated. Where there is understanding when plans get changed or ruined. A little bit of give and take …. in the right areas.
Morals should stand for each person. Work, in whatever form it may be, should be accomplished. And God should be the center.

I have more thoughts on this. I just cant concentrate.

Oh one more point. In a dating relationships i believe that both people should have other people that they are accountable too. Not just about stuff dealing with dating but everything. Both should be able to live a week without the other. They need close friends. Someones else to spend time with. To talk to. Figure things out with. And enjoy the day with. 

Adjusting

Losing someone is always hard. People move, start a new chapter of their lives. And sometimes they never come back.
Throughout my life I’ve had to deal with this. What has helped up till now is that I know it’s not a true goodbye. I will see them again relatively soon. It may be a couple years, but there will be phone calls and emails until then. That and all my goodbyes have been to friends. Not once have I had to learn to adjust to life without an adult that I respect and love.

I work at a church as a youth group intern.
I also have several other jobs at the same church but my focus is on the youth group. I don’t agree with doctrine of the church, but the youth group is different. In fact for awhile people in the church had problems with how the youth group ministers, but they’ve gotten over it.
The point is I love working here. Especially because of the team I am with. The Youth Pastor, our Assistant and Techie …  we get along great and make a wonderful team.
Two Sundays ago I found out that the youth pastor is leaving. He has taken a position as a youth minister at a church in the Detroit area, his hometown. I haven’t figured out how to take it.
When he first told me I was set on the fact that he had to be pulling a joke on me … not a very funny one though. He’s that kind of person, constantly joking around, pulling pranks, making up elaborate stories just to see how far he can go. I wasn’t until Foster, our volunteer who does tech, looked over at me and stated that this was real.

How do you do this?
Adjust to life without not only your boss (who has been more then generous) but your friend and spiritual father. Someone who you see almost everyday …. and enjoy almost every moment. Someone who understands you more than you can understand.

As I’ve been trying to process this the past two weeks one song comes to mind. “The Call” by Regina Spektor.

“Then word grew louder and louder till it was battle cry
I’ll come back when you call me, no need to say goodbye.
Just because everything changing doesn’t mean its never been this way before
All you can do is try to know who your friends are as you head off to the war.
Pick a star on the dark horizon and follow the light
You’ll come back when it’s over no need to say goodbye.
…. But just because they can’t feel it too doesn’t mean that you have to forget
let your memories grow stronger and stronger until they’re before your eyes.
You’ll come back when they call you no need to say goodbye”

Watching

I move to test
I touch to relate
I embrace to concieve

I see to know
I watch to understand

Doing What I Love

Recently I was given the opportunity to take photos at an event held by a ministry I partake in. To say the least I was very happy and enjoyed taking the pictures.

To share my joy here are a few of them:

 

Personal Rights

I gave my guitar away.

Now it wasn’t a rash decision.  I’d been thinking and praying about it for a rather long time.
I never really played it. Tried. Just didn’t have enough motivation to learn strumming so I stayed with picking, but even then I hardly touched it. My sister at one point decided that she would take up the guitar as well and that my guitar would do since I wasn’t using it at the moment. She never asked to have it, she didn’t even ask if it was okay for her to borrow it which didn’t go so well. But after a short talk she understood that it was my guitar and it would be nice if she asked before taking it again. So she did.

Not even a month later the guitar was once again just sitting in my bed room. My sister for all I knew had given up; odd for her but there is always a first for everyone.
And it stayed collecting dust in my room for over three months. Only being moved when it got in the way.

I have many friends who play the guitar, being the main reason I had wanted to learn in the beginning and why I had begged for a guitar for years. Playing however did not turn out to be one of my gifts though. I was growing tired of seeing the guitar in my room. It reminded me of the past, friends, and failure. I also felt bad for hanging onto it when I knew some many people who truly needed a new guitar, at least one that wasn’t warped. I had to get rid of it.

So I did. And my mom exploded.

Family rights, that’s what she said. My sister should have gotten it in her opinion. And I should have at least considered giving it to her (as I had) because there was no way I could have since she was not the one to receive it. This didn’t make sense to me …  and it still doesn’t.

Family does come before friends if the need is there. I had a sister who already plays another instrument and seemed to no longer have interest in the guitar and a friend who was in need of a guitar; who, as I might as well add, could not afford to fix/replace their current guitar that was unplayable because the neck had warped too much.

So I did right.
Did I not?

I gave where there was a want and a need. I don’t understand how this was wrong.

Emotions

It’s really odd how easily our emotion can change. Now as a woman i know I can’t speak for guys, but I can say I have seen the attitude/emotion of a man change very quickly.

Just today I was feeling rather happy. The sun was shining, beautiful weather overall, work was enjoyable, I was freshly showered and *I thought* looking very nice.  Im not saying that these things have changed, but rather that I don’t appreciate them as much at the moment and it is now dark and windy so the weather has changed.
Around 7pm tonight as I sat at the front desk paying only enough attention to buzz people inside the building my sister came bearing bad news. Now she didn’t try to slide it in as she handed me the movie I had requested. Instead she declared I was going to kill her before she was even up the flight of stairs to my desk. Now this introduction of herself first lead me to think that she had ruined my favorite jacket, which I had been letting her borrow the past few days and just the night before gotten on her about almost putting the sleeves in fingernail polish.
To my dismay that was not the case at all.
Before I go on I must tell you that earlier that day my mom had mentioned returning a movie we had rented the previous night. Now I had watched this movie with her and my sister but was still planing on watching it again tonight with a good friends of mine. So I asked her if we could return the movie before I went to work so that I may then check it back out, under my name, along with another movie. Sadly we did not have enough time to do this; in the end I gave my debit card to my mom so that she may process the transaction after taking me to work and before picking up my sister from school.
Naturally all of this went through my head as my sister stood before me. I could only wonder until she decided to start describing a particular event to me … “I was telling mom something when the wind hit my hand so hard that your card flew out of my hand” …. “I had the movie in my hand too” (now she has a card and the movie in her hand while telling me this) … “So we turned around and searched for it … yes we were driving … my hand was outside the window … it just was. And no this is not your card. We looked for your for 10 minutes and couldn’t find it. You need to call this number and deactivate your card.”
Agh! My only though was “money!”. After a few seconds it involved into “Why were you holding your hand outside the car window with my card in it?!”
My mom then came inside to see if I was handling it appropriately. She tried to calm me by saying that they would send me another card and, at my complaint that I didn’t have money now, all I had to do for was withdraw …. and then she left before I could put a word in.
Withdraw money … if you have withdrawn money you know that it must be in increments of 20. Most of the time this doesn’t bother me but as of renting the movie I only had $19.56 left in my bank account. The irony. Plus you can not withdraw without your bank card, so it would have been out of the question any way.

Probably the main reason why this is ticking me off so much is because I no longer have a way to buy dinner tonight and food for through Friday (i can really stretch a dollar). I know Ill be able to acquire cash by the weekend, I have some stashed at my moms house, but I don’t get paid till the end of the month and I am now without twenty dollars.

Needless to say I am no longer in a good mode.